


would it be enough (if i could never give you peace?)

by 26stars



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: (about having kids), Angst, Davis lives, Family fic (kind of), Fluff, Future Fic, Having 'the talk', Married!Mackelena, Multi, flangst, the angst is all Daisy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28937145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/26stars/pseuds/26stars
Summary: Daisy has loved celebrating the first birthday of Mack and Elena's son. When she overhears Jemma discussing the future with Elena, Daisy gets worried about the things she hasn't been willing to talk about with her partners yet. Mack offers wisdom, and Jemma surprises Daisy.For the QRWG prompt: Fitzskimmons+ White violet, a flower symbolizing "let's take a chance"
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons/Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 13
Kudos: 36
Collections: Women of the MCU





	would it be enough (if i could never give you peace?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sanctuaria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanctuaria/gifts).



> This turned out a bit angstier than I was expecting, but I still enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> Thanks Kat for your cheerleading!

It didn’t make a lot of sense for Daisy to be having as much fun as she was at a birthday party for a one-year-old, yet here she was. The gifts had been opened, the cake cut, and now the birthday boy, Mack and Elena’s son, was drifting off in his mother’s arms. Everyone else was sprawled around their living room enjoying glasses of wine and beer and second helpings from the snack table, catching up and enjoying each other’s company. It had been a minute since they’d all been together in one place, and though Daisy was as conscious of Coulson’s absence as she always was, it still made her heart sing to see almost everyone she loved in one place. Talking, laughing, and celebrating something that was, finally, the most exciting thing that had happened this year—a birthday.

Strange, this relief of _normal_.

Once she was convinced that he was sound asleep, Elena eventually went to put David in his crib, and Jemma followed her. Daisy had noticed the way Jemma had been hovering around the little guy all day, how wide her smile had been as she watched him try cake frosting for the first time, the tenderness with which she helped him unwrap the gift they’d brought him…

Of course she wanted to watch Elena put him to bed. _Why not live an entire day vicariously through Elena?_ Daisy thought to herself.

“So when’s the next space mission starting?” Piper asked, catching Daisy’s attention from the opposite sofa. “And are you going to bring Davis along this time, or do I have to keep putting up with him?”

“You don’t mean that,” Davis said smugly from the other end of the soda, his own son asleep on his chest. “And anyway, we all know I already paid my space dues. You’re stuck with me until you get promoted, Piper.”

“We won’t be starting anything new until next year,” Daisy interrupted, not wanting even playful arguing to cloud the so-far-perfect day. “Maybe by then you won’t be so tired of him, Piper.”

“Maybe by then he’ll have driven me so crazy that _I’ll_ volunteer for your mission,” Piper said, taking another sip from her beer. “He’s got six months—I’m sure he could do it in four.”

Twenty minutes later, Jemma and Elena still hadn’t rejoined the group in the living room, so Daisy eventually went wandering on the pretense of getting another slice of cake. She was surprised to see Jemma and Elena standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes together, their conversation soft, but not soft enough.

“We’ve not really talked about it yet,” Jemma was saying. “I would be ready, I think. It’s something I know I’ve always wanted…but of course I understand Fitz and Daisy’s reservations. They didn’t have the same childhood experiences I did…”

Daisy backed away, hoping they hadn’t noticed her, but suddenly having no desire to rejoin the lightness in the living room. Now, she just wanted some air.

The late-afternoon breeze was pleasantly cool, a nice ending to what had been a perfect September day of weather. Daisy stood on the porch for a second, grasping for a reason that she could give if anyone questioned her presence out here, avoiding the party—it was times like this that she wished she smoked.

After staring mindlessly at her phone for a minute, trying to still the anxious thoughts swirling in her brain, Daisy had to steel herself at the sound of the front door opening.

“You all right?” Fitz said softly, standing on the welcome mat but holding the door open.

“I um, I just need a minute,” Daisy said honestly, not quite meeting his eyes. “I’m okay.”

They knew each other well enough that she trusted Fitz not to push, and once she heard the door close again, she sighed, moving to sit down on the porch steps.

Of course Daisy knew exactly what Jemma was talking about with Elena just then. And she maybe shouldn’t have been surprised that this conversation came up today. But she hadn’t been expecting the intensity of the emotions that had surged up within her at the sound of it, feelings that left her heart racing and her hands clammy.

_Jem wants to be a mom._

_And I’m one thing that’s standing in the way._

Because it was true, the three of them _hadn’t_ talked about this yet, and Daisy knew that was partly due to her own efforts to divert the conversation whenever she sensed it moving this direction. Someone in their circles would announce a pregnancy, and Daisy would change the subject as quickly as possible. A discussion about their childhoods would inch towards their own thoughts of being parents, and Daisy would go obviously silent until they returned to safer ground. They’d had been together for years, and, of course, they weren’t getting any younger. A normal person might be at least entertaining thoughts on whether or not they wanted to be a parent and in what way they’d want to do it.

But normal people hadn’t had the messy birth, childhood, and adulthood that Daisy had had.

Her decision had been made a long time ago.

Daisy was so lost in her spiraling thoughts that she didn’t even hear the opening of the front door, so she jumped at the sound of heavy steps across the porch that could only belong to one person.

“Elena told me to bring in the balloons,” Mack said as a warning as he squeezed past her down the steps, moving towards the mailbox to fetch the bundle of multicolored balloons that had been tied there when they all arrived. Daisy shook herself out of the void she’d been stuck in, trying to force a smile when Mack started making his way back towards her.

“You all planned a great party,” she said truthfully. “I had a lot of fun.”

“I’m glad,” he said, offering her a balloon from the bundle.

Daisy took it with a smile, but to her surprise, Mack sat down beside her.

“So do you want to talk about something while you’ve got me all to yourself?”

Daisy closed her eyes and sighed. She wasn’t sure if Fitz had sent him or if Mack just _knew_ , but she was grateful either way for the chance to talk this out with a person who wasn’t one of her partners.

“I think Jemma wants to be a mom, but I don’t think I do. And I feel terrible about that.”

Mack didn’t respond immediately, just stretching one long leg out in front of them and picking at the knots in the balloon strings.

“It doesn’t sound like this is something the three of you have already talked about,” he observed, reading between the lines.

“No,” Daisy admitted, “and that’s kind of been because of me too. Which I am also now feeling guilty about. But…on my best days, I hate disappointing either of them. They’re the most important people in the world to me, and of course I want to see them happy. I don’t want to stand in the way of their dreams. But…Mack I can’t imagine being anyone’s mom. I’ve seen too many parents up close and personal…I know just how bad it can go. And my own genealogy is such a mess that I couldn’t imagine passing it on to someone.”

Mack was nodding along, not agreeing but still actively listening, and when Daisy didn’t continue, he let out a soft sigh and leaned back on his free hand.

“You know Daisy, no matter how much they love their kids, no parent is ever going to do it perfect. I would jump in front of a train for that little boy in there, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t already messed up while being his dad, or Elena’s husband. But I’m committed to doing my best, and I’m hoping that David will see that as he grows up. I hope he’ll see me apologize when I’ve been wrong or just wrong for the moment, hope that he’ll hear the love I have for him in the way I care for him and correct him. Just telling him wouldn’t be enough—I’ll need to be showing it a million different ways for the rest of his life.”

“You’re going to be a great dad, Mack,” Daisy said immediately, but Mack bumped her with his elbow.

“You know I didn’t say all that to talk about myself.”

Daisy pursed her lips and looked downwards, because, yeah, she did know.

“There’s just…so much responsibility…” she trailed off, her throat getting tight. “So many ways to mess up someone for their future…”

“No one’s a hundred percent ready for every challenge a child brings,” Mack said reassuringly. “And the parents who _think_ they know everythng are proven wrong pretty quickly. At some point, you and the person you love have to just decide that you’re ready to take a leap and you go for it. You do it acknowledging that you’re giving up a lot of control over the future. You can’t guarantee an easy pregnancy or birth, a healthy baby, or an angel child. That’s something you ought to recognize as a possibility and mentally work through. And sure, acknowledging the parent role models whose examples you’re starting from, that’s an important thing to talk about and be mindful of. But Daisy, I think you know this isn’t a conversation you should be having only with yourself.”

Daisy nodded, swallowing hard and ducking her head to carefully wipe her eyes, doing her best not to smear her eye makeup. Mack rubbed a gentle hand across her back, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’d be an amazing mom.”

Those words nearly made her tear up again, so Daisy stared down at her knees and let out a slow breath.

“Thanks,” she said softly. “For now, I’ll just practice by trying to be a good aunt.”

“You’re already doing great,” Mack said, pulling her into a brief side-hug before getting to his feet. “Would you like to go back in together? Or can I bring you another drink?”

“Are those the only two options?” Daisy joked, but she climbed to her feet too, following him back inside.

The party ended not long afterwards, with all the families heading for their respective cars and hugging Mack and Elena goodbye at the door. On the ride home, the air in the car felt thick, but Daisy waited until they were in the house to say anything.

“I’m afraid of having kids.”

Both Jemma and Fitz looked startled, freezing right where they were, each in various states of taking off shoes and cardigans, but Daisy forced herself to keep talking, knowing that if she ran away now, she might never have the courage for this conversation again.

“I know you want to be a mom, Jem, and I haven’t been able to talk about this because I’m just so scared of letting you down. But right now, all I am is scared to death at the thought of bringing a kid into the world and being responsible for them…and I don’t think I’m ready. But…I’m sorry I haven’t had the courage to say so sooner. I’m sorry for putting this off.”

Jemma and Fitz looked at one another, having one of those silent conversations in half a second, but neither of them looked mad, which was a good sign.

“Daisy,” Jemma eventually said, stepping towards her with her purse still on her shoulder and one shoe still on. “Why do you seem so sure that I want to be a mom?”

It wasn’t the first response Daisy was expecting, but it’s at least an easy question to answer.

“Because you’re a normal human being with a normal childhood experience and not the foster kid veteran that I am. And because I heard you talking to Elena tonight when you were washing the dishes.”

She was bracing herself for a conversation she was afraid might break her heart… but the last thing she was expecting was that Jemma would start laughing.

“Oh Daisy…”

“You said it was something you wanted…” Daisy stammered, looking back and forth between Jemma and an equally perplexed Fitz, waiting for an explanation.

Jemma finally managed one through her gasping laughter.

“I was talking to Elena about us getting a _dog_!”

For a long moment, Daisy held her breath, replaying Jemma’s words from earlier and making sure this was plausible.

_Something I’ve always wanted…Fitz and Daisy had different childhood experiences than me…_

“Elena asked me if we were thinking about having kids, and I told her we hadn’t had that talk yet, but I would feel much more confident if we managed to keep a pet alive first. But I grew up with animals in the house, and neither of you did, so I wasn’t sure if you might feel the same way if I brought it up…”

Daisy closed her eyes, feeling both relieved as hell and really, really dumb…

“God Jem, here I thought I was breaking your heart by omission…”

Before she opened her eyes, she felt Jemma’s arms come around her waist, pulling her into a tender hug.

“Dais,” Jemma says gently, “we haven’t had the kids conversation yet because the three of us aren’t ready to have it. And we may not be ready to have it for a while still. But whatever we decide to do or not do, can we decide it together? That’s how we committed to doing it when we committed to this. It’s not supposed to be ‘majority rules’. We’re supposed to find what we can all be happy with, because our relationship with one another is first priority.”

Daisy leaned into Jemma’s embrace, tucking her face into her shoulder just before she starts crying again. Jemma only holds her tighter, and Daisy feels Fitz add himself to the other side of the embrace, holding her too.

“I love you guys,” she muttered, now shaking in relief. “Sorry I’m such a neurotic ball of fears.”

“You’re not neurotic…or at least, no more than the rest of the people in this room,” Fitz reassured her. “And we aren’t afraid of any part of you, even if you think we should be.”

Daisy let out a breath on Jemma’s shoulder, than finally raised her head to look at them again.

“You really were just talking about getting a dog?” she said, focusing on Jemma, who nodded with a smile.

“On my life, Daisy.”

Daisy smiled cautiously, glancing at Fitz. “Well, that’s something I’m okay to talk about now, if you guys want to.”

Fitz glanced expectantly at Jemma, who smiled. “I had a bit of a presentation prepared, you know.”

Daisy smiled, her heart singing again for a different reason as she stepped away so Jemma could finally get her other shoe off. “I expect nothing less.”

Strange, this blissful relief of _normal_.


End file.
